If I could go back in time…

Let me tell you a story.

I used to think that I was not the kind of person to draw attention to myself. That you would never see me onstage, entertaining people, taking risks in public.

When I was 14, we had a 4-day school trip to Université Sainte-Anne in Nova Scotia. It was a rite of passage for French Immersion students. (By the way, if you were a Sainte-Anne’s kid, say hi in the comments!) I think there were 5 or 6 schools’ worth of Grade 7s there with us.

On the last night, they packed us all into an auditorium to watch an entertainer. A very high-energy sing-along kind of musician. At one point she asked for volunteers from the audience, and a bunch of the guys from my school jumped onstage. She got them playing air guitar and dancing along with her – just absolutely unself-concious, joyful silliness. And as I laughed along with everybody else, I remember thinking:

“That looks like so much fun. I wish I were cool enough to do something like that.”

Because in my mind, they were making fools of themselves. But they had enough social capital that they could get away with it, and people wouldn’t judge them. I didn’t have that same level of social capital, so I could never do that.

When I look back at that now…God, I robbed myself of so much, for so long, and for no reason!

Because I had it wrong. They weren’t making fools of themselves. They were impressing people. They were showcasing their confidence and their humour, and they were creating a fun experience for others, and people liked them MORE because of it. They weren’t spending social capital. They were building it.

I figured it out, eventually.

I’m not sure exactly when things changed, but working in a profession – law – where you have to be on your feet quite a lot, and you don’t know how things are going to go, and you’ve just got to deal with it, de-sensitized me to that type of stress. 

I started looking for a creative outlet, and on a whim I signed up for an improv class.

Then, somewhere along the way, I started to realize: I’m free. I can get in front of a group and open myself up to whatever’s about to happen. I can be silly. I can be vulnerable. And nothing bad happens.

In fact, so many good things started happening! I made new friends. I started liking myself more. I gained the courage to quit my job and pursue a career that fulfills me in ways that my old one never did. I can step onto a stage and feel the same kind of freedom and joy that those 7th-grade boys got to feel.

I can’t go back and tell that 14-year-old in the back row how much more she is capable of. But I can take action in the here and now, to help others find those capabilities within themselves. I can do my part to make sure that others don’t have to wait decades before they feel ready.

So my question for you is: What’s the script in your mind when you think about putting yourself out there and getting in front of people? How has that script changed over time? And is any part of it still holding you back?

Sound off in the comments. It really does help others who are trying to find their own confidence.

(I’m Alex, and I take the”ick” out of public speaking. Ask me a question, or book a chat with me here. And until next time – take good care of yourself, Superstar.)