How to Write a Wedding Speech People Will Actually Remember
What was the best wedding speech you’ve ever heard? What was the worst?
When wedding season rolls around every spring, it always makes me think of the more, um… “memorable” events I’ve attended.
I love weddings: getting dressed up, dancing to Garth Brooks songs with somebody’s drunk aunt, basking in the spirit of celebration and seeing how everyone puts their own spin on tradition.
As a public speaking coach, I also see them as a window into how people behave when a microphone is suddenly thrust into their hands. Some rise to the occasion beautifully. Others ramble, overshare, lose the plot entirely, or make the kind of jokes that send half the room diving into their wine glasses.
Whenever I hear one of those spectacularly misguided speeches, I can't help wondering whether anyone encouraged that person to rethink it before they picked up the microphone. Or if anyone gave them some gentle guidance, or a much-needed reality check after the fact.
If not, then maybe I can be that person, and hopefully help make a few more wedding speeches memorable for all the RIGHT reasons.
This spring, I started asking people about the best and worst wedding toasts they’d ever heard. The most common answer?
“I don’t really remember any of them.”
On the one hand, this makes me really sad. All the time, energy, money and emotion that goes into weddings, and the things people say at them are entirely forgettable? Surely we can do better than that.
But on the other hand, maybe they’re forgettable because the people involved are playing it safe. That’s not always a winning strategy, but it’s better than making everyone uncomfortable because you decided to bust out your edgy humour in front of somebody’s Nana.*
Not every wedding toast is destined for the dustbin of history, though.
Between my social circle, my own memories, and a few strangers on Reddit, there’s plenty of Good, Bad and Ugly to go around.
From these stories, we can pull a few tips to get you through this wedding season.
The Do’s and Don’ts of Wedding Speeches
DO make it surprising
One of my childhood friends had a cool uncle whose infrequent visits were a highlight of our young lives. At her wedding, that uncle gave a moving tribute to the bride and the way that she has always made time for the people she cares about. Afterwards, the visibly emotional bride blurted out, “I thought that was going to be a roast!” and gave him a huge hug.
“Jokester shows their caring and vulnerable side” is a recurring theme in the stories I’ve heard, and it makes sense. When something is unexpected, it’s more memorable.
DON’T make it shocking
There's a difference between a speech that surprises people because it reveals an unexpected layer of love or vulnerability, and one that shocks the room for all the wrong reasons.
One allows for connection, while the other creates second-hand embarrassment.
A recurring theme in the “worst of” category is the best man or maid of honour cracking crude jokes or spilling intimate secrets. And if you saw the video going viral of that groom who used his vows to make uncomfortable, sexual, and demeaning “jokes” about his bride, you'll know that anyone with a microphone is capable of making spectacularly bad decisions. It was gut-wrenching to watch, and I can’t imagine seeing it play out between people I cared about.
Most people don’t go to weddings to hear about other people’s sex lives. And if anything questionable happened during the bachelor or bachelorette parties, that’s a topic for the couple to deal with privately (preferably before the ceremony).
The same goes for relatives airing dirty laundry. No matter how much you feel someone else has wronged you, no matter how good it might feel to humiliate them, the other guests have not consented to being drawn into your interpersonal drama. Save it for your therapist. Or at least for Thanksgiving.
DO tug on the guest’s heartstrings
One of my contacts on LinkedIn shared this story:
“A friend of mine had parents who were both highly accomplished professionals. Yet when they stood up to speak about their daughter, there wasn’t an ounce of sentimentality. It was as if they were addressing a conference. That was 30 years ago and I still remember.”
I’m not here to tell you how to feel or what kind of relationship to have with the people in your lives.
But I am saying that if you treat major life events like you’re presenting the second-quarter financial updates at an investor meeting, you can’t be surprised if people think that’s kind of weird.
A wedding is an expression of hope. It’s about chosen family and a future filled with unconditional love. So go ahead – get a little sappy.
DON’T bring the mood down
In my 20s, I went to the wedding of two people who had been through some tough times together, including a life-threatening medical emergency about a year prior.
I’m not sure how many of those in attendance knew about this before the reception, but every single one of them knew about it afterwards. The mother of the bride took it upon herself to recount the details in a rambling 15-minute speech that was punctuated by several minutes of incoherent sobbing. While we obviously had a lot of empathy for her, having gone through something that no parent should have to experience, it felt out of place and deeply uncomfortable.
Weddings are meant to be a celebration: an opportunity to share in joy, laughter, and love. And those are the themes that should be prevalent within your speech.
Of course, some relationships are forged in the fires of adversity. Some families have gone through hell to get to that happy day. If sadness, hardship or loss have been part of the journey, it absolutely makes sense to honour that journey by acknowledging it. Don’t dwell on it, though.
Let yourself and everyone else enjoy the sweetness in a bittersweet moment.
DO keep it concise
Another common complaint? “It went on forever.”
People remember how a speech made them feel far more than they remember every story you told. Leave them wishing you had spoken a little longer, not checking their watches and wondering when dinner will arrive.
As a general rule, aim for three to five minutes. That time frame is plenty for most wedding speeches.
DON’T go too far off script
You don't need to memorize your entire wedding speech. Most people giving toasts aren't professional speakers, and no one expects you to stand up there sans notes.
Of course, you should thoughtfully prepare. Make sure you know your main points and practice enough that you can speak to them naturally.
You don't have to deliver every sentence word for word, but you also don't want to wander too far off script. That's when speeches start running long, stories lose their point, important moments get forgotten, or you accidentally share something you promised you wouldn’t.
DO bring some levity
Weddings are supposed to be a good time. Humour helps with that. Over and over again, people recounted wedding speeches that were memorable because of the speaker’s gift for making others laugh.
It can also make up for flaws in your toast, as was the case with one bridesmaid’s speech that went on way longer than it should have. The audience laughed so hard throughout that they let go of any hard feelings.
DON’T delude yourself about how funny people think you are
For all its benefits, humour comes with risks. It’s hard to do well, and too many people think they’re funnier than they actually are. Even if your friends think you’re hilarious, your sense of humour may not translate well to a wider audience.
One of my friends recounted a wedding reception where both of the bride’s parents told stories about how the groom would constantly try to prove himself smarter than everybody else. “It felt very cringe,” she told me. “The bride and groom and audience laughed. I shuddered.”
If you don’t have a solid track record of making people laugh in family-friendly environments, please do everybody (including yourself) a favour. Share your draft with someone who will give you honest feedback, and be humble enough to take their advice.
DO know your audience
If you were tasked with writing a speech for a wedding, chances are it’s because you’re close with one or both members of the couple. That also means you probably have lots of inside jokes, shared memories, and stories that only you fully understand.
The challenge is remembering that your audience isn't just the bride or groom. It's everyone else in the room.
Will your story resonate with grandparents, coworkers, childhood friends, and the other side of the family? Will it embarrass one-half of the couple? Will people understand why it's funny or meaningful, or will they spend the whole time wondering, "I guess you had to be there?"
Remember that a wedding celebrates the joining of two families and two lives. Don't focus so heavily on your shared history that the couple’s relationship fades into the background.
Of course, personal stories and anecdotes are an important part of any wedding speech. But you need to give people enough context to appreciate the stories you're telling, even if they're hearing them for the first time.
Find a balance between talking about the individual and celebrating the couple. Honour the past, but also don't forget to look ahead to the future they're building together.
If people leave feeling more connected to the newlyweds than they did before you stood up, you've done your job.
DON’T get so vague that the toast could apply to anyone
Being asked to write a speech is an incredible honour. So give it the thought and care it deserves!
Asking ChatGPT to write your entire speech or printing off generic jokes about marriage will result in a toast that could have been delivered at literally anyone's wedding.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. Digital tools like Google or AI, trusted friends, or a speaking coach (hi, that’s me!) can all help you organize your thoughts, tighten your wording, or spark new ideas. But the heart of the speech still has to come from you.
The stories, little details, and qualities that make this couple who they are can't be generated by someone - or something - that hasn’t truly experienced them.
At the end of the day, people won't remember whether every sentence was perfectly crafted. But they will remember whether or not your words felt genuine.
A wedding toast is worth doing right
Mountains of time, money, and effort go into making a wedding happen. By the time the wedding day dawns, some of those involved may be slightly emotionally unravelled.
I heard one bride announce at her very lavish, long-awaited wedding, “These have been the most stressful three months of my life!”
When you stand up to speak in those circumstances, let your words be heavy on thoughtfulness and light on your own personal ego. It doesn’t need to be tightly scripted if that’s not your style, but you’ll never go wrong with a bit of forethought.
In general:
✓ Know your audience
✓ Be self-aware
✓ Celebrate the couple, not yourself.
✓ Tell stories everyone can enjoy.
✓ Leave people smiling, laughing, or tearing up for the right reasons.
And when in doubt, keep it short and sweet.
Finally, remember that there’s no rule saying you have to give a toast.
If you feel weird about it, if playing nice would be inauthentic, or if you’re worried about how certain people will interpret your comments, you can choose to say nothing at all. Let other people speak, or let the DJ fill the silence while you dance the Cowboy Cha Cha with Aunt Carol.
Looking for some more help to get you started? Check out this guide to using humour in your presentations and this article about avoiding bad public speaking advice.
Or, tap into the ultimate cheat code: a 1-on-1 coaching session with a public speaking coach who will help you hit the perfect note for the event and your personality.
Send us a message or book a call and find out how Stage Light Communications can help you make it happen.
*This is not a knock on grandmothers, or a suggestion that they’re all sensitive and uptight. My own Nana is a potty-mouthed badass who has made her own share of inappropriate jokes, and also happens to bake excellent dinner rolls. But she would absolutely come for you if you embarrassed somebody at their own wedding.
