Rebel Against Public-Speaking Dogma

There's something about feeling confined that sets you searching for ways to assert your own autonomy. To break through the "shoulds" and "have tos" and "supposed tos." It doesn't really even matter what it is. You just find a thing to rebel against, and you grab onto it. Anything to give a middle finger to the powers that be and take back a sense of power for yourself. And that's definitely what happened to me in the past week. So this is going to sound like a non sequitur, but stay with me:

Let's talk about the word "um."

The received wisdom in the public speaking world is that saying "um" is BAD and if you do it, you're a BAD SPEAKER.

It's pejoratively called a "filler word," along with words like "so" and "like" and "you know."

A lot of public speaking programs will tell you two things:

1) How often you say "um"; and

2) That you have to stop.

This approach…us not helpful. So let's rebel against the “um” counter.

Yes, there are people who will say, "Um is annoying." They'll say, "It makes it sound like you don't know what you're talking about." But the thing about what people say, is that it's all based on stories; on cultural narratives that tell us what to think and how to feel. And the thing about stories…is that some of them are fictional.

Sometimes science tells a different story, and that's what happens with "um."

This word, and others like it, is what's known as a disfluency: a word that's inserted into the ordinary flow of a sentence. We add it in when we're thinking about what comes next. You’ll use it, for example, in front of new information; in front of a word that's less commonly used; where you want to emphasize something; or where you feel like you're going to be met with disagreement.

Researchers have found that we actually retain information better when it immediately follows a disfluency. That might be because it gives us a pause and a cue that we're about to get unfamiliar information, which primes us to listen more carefully.

In conversation, disfluency signals to other people that you're not done speaking, which allows you to hold the floor without being interrupted.

It's a habit that we learn as part of our language absorption, and like any habit, it's only a problem if it's so excessive that it gets distracting or gets in the way of comprehension. So let’s appreciate "um" and everything that it does for us.

At the same time, it’s worth recognizing that yeah, there are judgy people out there, and there are also less-judgy people who might nonetheless read your "ums" as a sign that you don't know your stuff or that you're being less than honest. We can also recognize that excessive disfluencies can prevent people from understanding you or getting the most out of what you say.

So it's helpful to be able to make a different choice.

But the way to achieve that is not to fixate on your "ums," because when you do that, you're thinking about them even more and you're probably going to do it even more often.

So you've got to find alternatives and focus on building those.

Counting "ums" on its own isn't helpful because it encourages you to fixate and it doesn't give you useful information about what causes you to use disfluencies. You might have 25 "ums" in a ten minute speech, and 15 of them are focused in one paragraph.

A more useful approach would be to figure out

1) WHEN you say, um;

2) WHY you say it; and

3) HOW you can make a different choice.

That means you've got to do some fact finding.

Maybe listen to recordings of yourself speaking (I know, cringe), or get feedback for a friend a colleague...or a speaking coach.

You want to pay attention to WHERE disfluencies happen. Maybe it's at the beginning, when you're still getting into the groove. Maybe it's during transitions from one topic to another, when you're trying to figure out what comes next. Maybe it's when you're talking about especially technical or sensitive information.

Pinpointing where it happens will show you where to focus your efforts.

You also want to ask yourself WHY it's happening. Maybe it's because you haven't fully prepared and you're not sure of what you want to say or how you want to say it, or you're nervous because your audience includes someone you really look up to you, and you want to make sure you really get it right.

Sometimes when I work with people who are speaking their second language, the um's happen when they're using less-familiar vocabulary or where the word order is different in their target language versus the one they grew up speaking. They use more “ums”because they're doing that extra mental load of translating as they go.

All of this information will help you target your preparation and practice.

As you grow in your familiarity and confidence with your content, you’ll find that your disfluencies naturally decrease without you having to obsess over them.

Further to that, as you grow in your speaking skills, you’ll learn new habits that substitute for disfluencies: things like intentional breathing, gestures and movement that can serve the same purpose as those disfluencies without attracting the judgment.

These changes won't happen overnight. They’re habits that you build through consistent, strategic and targeted practice. If you do that, your speaking will become more effective. Not because you've gotten the "bad" things trained out of you, but because you have the awareness and tools to make the best choice for you in any given moment --whether it's to use an “um” or not to.

So take back your power, and reclaim "Um."

P.S. If you’re ready to become a more powerful speaker on your own terms and to build habits that will put you in control of your self-expression, get in touch with me or book an informal virtual chat.

Wherever you're starting from, Stage Light Communications has courses and coaching solutions that will get you where you want to be.