Beware This Bad Public Speaking Advice

The world is full of well-meaning people doling out well-meaning advice. Unfortunately, just because advice is given with good intentions, that doesn't mean it's helpful.

This is especially true in the world of public speaking. Nuggets of truth tend to get distorted as they pass from person, like a game of Broken Telephone, until they're nothing but boring and unhelpful clichés. Then, when you try to do what you've been told and the results are less than stellar, you start to think, "Maybe I'm the problem."

You're (probably) not the problem. Here are three common public speaking tips to ignore - and what to do instead.

#1: "Just slow down"

Okay, this is usually a pretty good idea…but it’s only helpful if the person suggesting it actually helps you come up with actionable steps to make it happen.

Your speaking pace is a habit. Pubic speaking, like communication more generally, are just collections of habits that either serve you well or work against you, depending on the context. And you’re not just going to break a habit because somebody tells you to.

Saying “slow down when you speak” is a bit like saying “quit smoking” or “take a different route to work”. It’s useless on its own, because it assumes that you can magically break the old habit and create a new one.

You don’t magic your way out of a habit. Sorry. It takes time, and it takes strategy.

In my career, I’ve had to overcome a lifelong talking-too-fast problem. Eventually, I learned how to control my pace, which made it easier to deliver the odd dramatic pause, to accommodate the needs of translators, and too use comedic timing to my advantage.

I didn’t develop this ability just by going “gee, guess I’ll speak more slowly.” Nope, I tried everything.

I used to write “SLOW” in huge letters across all of my speaking notes.

I scolded myself before every presentation: “Gotta slow down, gotta slow down.”

I envisioned how I would reward myself with a treat if I managed to make it through the presentation without getting that dreaded “slow down” feedback.

None of that worked. In fact, it may even have been counter-productive, because it reinforced my view of myself as someone who spoke too quickly.

I’d be there in the hot seat, and I’d get nervous, and habit would take over no matter how hard I tried to will it away.

I started feeling down on myself, thinking “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?”

Until.

Until I started taking the time, when I wasn’t in the hot seat, to practice breathing exercises and experiment with speaking too slowly until it started to feel natural. I discovered and developed the techniques that I now use with my public speaking clients, to develop a deep awareness of speaking pace and a comfort with using different paces in different contexts.

Now it drives me nuts to hear this kind of “advice” that names problems but offers no solutions.

#2: Start with a quote

Variations on this one include starting with a joke or with a definition.

Once upon a time, this was probably decent advice. Then everybody did it, and it became a boring cliché.

If you want to start by telling us something that your badass grandma used to say, go for it. As long as it’s relevant and interesting; as long as it’s not something we’ve heard before; give us that quote. Grandmas are the best. I want to hear about your grandma!

But if you start your speech by telling me that Mahatma Gandhi said “be the change you want to see in the world” - sorry, I just fell asleep in my chair.

If you start with “X famous person once said…” your audience is already feeling a bit iffy. Whatever follows it had better be solid.

If you start with “The Oxford Dictionary defines synergy as…” your audience will die a little inside.

If you start with a joke, make sure it’s a good joke. Make sure it’s appropriate for the audience. No, really. Make sure it’s appropriate for the audience. The last thing you want to do is offend or alienate people before you’ve even gotten started. Humour can be tricky. It’s usually better to warm up the audience, feel them out a little bit, and then try to make them laugh once you’ve built a rapport with them and you’re confident that it will go over well.

And make sure your delivery and comedic timing are good, so that people know it’s a joke and aren’t sitting there awkwardly wondering whether they’re supposed to laugh. I’ve written all about the benefits and pitfalls of humour in public speaking here.

So if you’re not starting with a quote, a definition or a joke, how SHOULD you start?

Well, you can start with a mysterious statement. Something that makes people lean in and wonder “where is this going?”

Or you can start with a provocative statement. Something that makes them go “whoa, hold on now” before

you proceed to show them that not only is this statement correct, it’s actually what they already believe. That’s peak public speaking wizardry.

If you want to get your creative juices flowing, check out that old meme “describe the plot of a film badly.” Then, try to describe the message of your presentation badly. See if you come up with anything interesting.

Finally, you can go with a perennial favourite: start with a story. Choose something relatable, that pulls at the emotional strings you’re trying to pull with your presentation.

Stories draw people in and immerse them in the reality that you’re seeking to create. Start with a well-crafted story, and right off the bat you’ve brought the audience into your world. You’ve got them seeing reality as you see it. You’ve got them emotionally invested in the outcome.

Trust me, NOBODY is emotionally invested in the Oxford Dictionary definition of “synergy”.

#3. Do something that terrifies you, and you’ll get over your fear quickly.

This is another piece of advice that isn’t completely terrible, but shouldn’t be taken at face value, either.

In psychology there’s something called exposure therapy. When you’re afraid of something, your natural tendency is to try and avoid it. Unfortunately, while that avoidance might make you feel better in the short term it ultimately gives the thing you fear more power. The object of the fear remains part of the Dangerous Unknown.

In exposure therapy, you’re exposed to the thing you fear in a safe environment. That exposure can be mental, where you imagine the thing you fear or even experience it through virtual reality, or it can be physical, like when people with arachnophobia handle tarantulas.

Some people have had success with going straight to the scariest, most difficult exposure and getting it over with, rather than working their way up. In fact, I had to face a public-speaking nightmare early on: I was giving a stressful presentation in law school, and I actually got heckled by one of the lawyers who was evaluating me. It was awful, but the silver lining was that once I survived that worst-case-scenario, I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. It became a lot easier to get up in front of audiences and take risks because the worst thing I could imagine - being humiliated - had already happened, and I passed the course and got on with my life in spite of it.

That said, I wouldn’t suggest this approach for most people. Some folks associate public speaking with emotional trauma, either because they’ve experienced that in the past or because their anxiety convinces them that something horrible is going to happen. Jumping into the scariest, most horrifying scenario they can imagine and hoping for the best is…probably not the best strategy.

Even if you’re not in that situation, there’s a better way. Even though I walked away from my experience being okay with public speaking, I didn’t walk away wanting to do more of it. It took a lot of positive, rewarding experiences before I finally learned to enjoy being in the spotlight.

Bottom line: the act of expressing yourself should be fun. It should make you feel good about yourself and leave you wanting more. The primal terror approach won’t give you those vibes. But the video game approach will!

See, most video games are designed so that you start with something easy that boosts your confidence and gets you hooked. Then it gradually ramps up the challenge juuuust enough that at each stage you improve a little bit, you feel even more capable, and you feel rewarded by the experience. That makes you want to keep playing.

You can game-ify your public speaking development by challenging yourself a little more every time. Try something that feels ever-so-slightly out of reach, and you’ll feel a sense of reward and accomplishment when it works out (which it will). You’ll want to move on to something a little bit scarier.

And so on, and so on. That’s the path to making those everyday presentations and interactions totally effortless.

For more advice and techniques that actually make you a better speaker, check out our online course: Fearless Public Speaking. In just 8 weeks you’ll get all the building blocks to make you a confident, persuasive, memorable speaker, as well as a supportive online community where you can hone your skills.

Image courtesy of Michael Mation on unsplash.com